Dusty Wentworth

  The Before and After I spent my life working. I joined the Army at sixteen, and for more than thirty-four years I prided myself on discipline, resilience, and the ability to keep pushing through. Even with a diagnosis of combat-related PTSD and fibromyalgia, I refused to slow down. I turned fifty in 2023—still working, still fighting, still standing. Then, in October 2023, I collapsed at home. That single event didn’t just end my working life; it marked the beginning of an eleven-month nightmare that shattered my identity, fractured my body, and left me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself—particularly my masculinity and my role as a father to three young children. The hospital’s initial diagnosis was Functional Neurological Disorder (FND)—a terrifying condition directly linked to trauma and my long-term PTSD. But during the investigations, a brain scan revealed something unexpected: a brain aneurysm. The doctors at Addenbrooke’s deemed it stable, requiring only m...

Two years ago, my life changed in an instant. I had no idea that one ordinary morning would mark the beginning of a journey that would test every part of who I am. October 23rd, 2023 — a date that changed my life forever. It began like any other day, until suddenly it wasn’t. I collapsed without warning at home. When the ambulance arrived, stroke was ruled out, but that was only the beginning of what would become a long and life-altering journey. Doctors didn’t think I’d survive. Yet somehow, I did. ‎ The Eleven-Month Inpatient Battle What followed were eleven long months as an inpatient — three different hospitals, two stints at a Neurological Rehabilitation Centre, and countless challenges along the way. I was fighting battles not only for my health, but for my identity, my independence, and ultimately, my future. Those months were some of the hardest of my life. Every day brought new challenges: learning to move again, to speak clearly, to remember, to rebuild. The neuro...

There are moments in life when everything fractures – your identity, your memories, your body. When you're not just changed, you're remade. For me, that moment was the rupture of a brain aneurysm – a subarachnoid haemorrhage that erased 14 years of my life and reshaped everything I thought I knew about myself. I woke up in a hospital bed unable to walk, unable to remember much of my adult life, and unable to recognise the man I had once been. And so began the slow, gruelling journey of becoming someone new. A Life Interrupted Before the aneurysm, I had been many things – infantry soldier, bodyguard, husband, father, protector. I'd survived war zones, lived with PTSD, managed chronic pain, and kept moving forwards. But none of that prepared me for this. The aneurysm didn't just threaten my life, it rewrote it. Functional Neurological Disorder, fibromyalgia, partial blindness, tremors, and cognitive damage became my daily reality. My body no longer obeyed me. ...

When I was told to “man up” after my subarachnoid haemorrhage, I just looked at my wheelchair and wondered: what does that even mean now? For as long as I can remember, “man up” has been one of those phrases thrown around casually—on parade squares, in workplaces, in pubs. It sounds simple, even motivational. But in reality, it’s loaded with expectation. It doesn’t just ask a man to be strong; it demands silence, emotional suppression, and the illusion of control. After my aneurysm ruptured, I woke up in a body that no longer played by the rules. PTSD, Functional Neurological Disorder, Fibromyalgia, and brain injury became daily realities. Pain, fatigue, tremors, memory lapses—none of it fits the cultural script of “unshakeable masculinity.” And yet, people still said it: “man up.” But here’s the truth: I’ve discovered more strength in vulnerability than I ever did in hiding behind a mask. Real courage has been admitting when I can’t do something, asking for help, or sittin...

It’s the 28th of August already—can you believe it? Where did the summer go? One moment I was bracing myself for six weeks of school holidays, and the next I’m sitting in the garden, basking in the sunshine, kids playing in the background, reflecting on how fast it’s all flown by. Now, to be clear, I wasn’t worried about the usual summer holiday challenges—you know, keeping the kids entertained without requiring a bank balance that rivals Elon Musk’s. No, my real anticipation came from the fact that this was my first summer as a dad in a wheelchair. If you’ve read my earlier holiday blog (Wheelchairs, Lovebirds, and Little White Eggs: A Summer’s Day in the Garden Jungle), you’ll know I had more than a few doubts about how this would play out. Would I keep up? Would the kids adapt? Would I spend most of the summer watching from the sidelines while they ran rings around me? Well, let me tell you—none of that happened. Game Changers and Wheelchair Bandits Early on, my new Quic...

Have you ever tried to piece together your past, only to find that half the puzzle pieces have vanished? It’s a strange thing, memory. We take it for granted until it’s gone. We assume it’s always going to be there for us – like a loyal dog, wagging its tail at the mention of a familiar face or beloved place. But what happens when that loyal companion simply… doesn’t come back? This isn’t some thought experiment or hypothetical musing over coffee. This is my reality. And, perhaps, it might be yours too – or someone you love. I lost a significant portion of my memory following a ruptured brain aneurysm and a subsequent subarachnoid haemorrhage. The man I was, in many ways, disappeared that day. I thought, at first, I could just soldier on (I was good at that once) and start afresh. New memories. New me. Sorted, right? Not quite. Because memories aren’t just about the past. They’re the blueprint of who we are. And when that blueprint gets torn up, you can’t help b...

A family day out to Lowestoft: masculinity, memory, disability, and sugar-fuelled mayhem. ☕ Morning Mayhem, Meds, and Mobilisation We woke to the unmistakable clatter of the bin men — too late for the garden waste, again. That sort of domestic defeat where you just sigh into your slippers and accept it. Coffee became the consolation prize. While the kettle hissed, I began my usual breakfast — 14 tablets, swallowed one by one in silence. Not exactly a fry-up, but my body has its own checklist before the rest of me is allowed to function. Still half-asleep, I cradled my coffee like a shield while the kids launched their morning offensive: Can we get chips? Are we having ice cream? Can we paddle? Their enthusiasm came in rapid bursts — relentless, chaotic, but hilarious. I negotiated a ceasefire long enough to pack the car. The power chair made the cut today — the manual’s fine when I’m steady, but energy is a currency I need to spend wisely. With snacks, sun cream, and a heal...

I didn’t wake gently. I woke confused.   After nearly four weeks unconscious, the doctors didn’t expect me to survive. But I did. I remember a strange sound—low, soft, like a cow’s distant moo.   When I opened my eyes, I was convinced I’d woken up in a barn-turned-hospital during the American Civil War.   The smell, the air, the eerie stillness—it all felt real. Then the vision faded.   A nurse was beside my bed. I couldn’t quite hear her—my hearing had been severely damaged, and everything felt distant, tilted.   But I was awake.   Still here.   And even though I didn’t know where I was, something deep inside whispered: start something. 🏥 How My Journal Became My Voice It began as a tool.   An occupational therapist suggested keeping a journal—to help me track the moments, emotions, and memories I feared might slip away. With help from a healthcare assistant, I downloaded the Diarium app to my ...

A tribute to the resilience of the human spirit. Some books are read. Others are felt. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl isn’t merely read—it’s absorbed, etched not just in memory, but in the soul. Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, writes not to recount horrors for horror’s sake, but to bear witness. What emerges is not just a record of suffering, but a manifesto of hope: that even in the bleakest of human conditions, meaning can be found—and must be sought. For me, this was not an easy read. Though I cannot claim to understand the suffering endured in the camps, my connection runs deep. My grandfather was among the British and Canadian troops of the 11th Armoured Division who liberated Bergen-Belsen on 15 April 1945. What they discovered—60,000 sick, starving, brutalised souls—defies comprehension. History, it seems, has a way of echoing across generations. Decades after my grandfather walked through the gates of Belsen, I too found myself on...